What rhymes with hickdead?

teasing me only to push me away…

testing the waters to see if you still hold sway…

tempting me with your appeal…

In another attempt to make me feel…

like someone who would be happy, proud…

but being with the likes of you, disallowed…

fuck your games, your precious self…

I’ll put you back up on the shelf…

and wait for the one who can appreciate me…

and not the one who acts like a puss-y.

This is why online dating is a lesson in futility

Mr Wonderful’s profile:

My self-summary
Were are all the good respectful lady’s? Hello, mature ,quality ,respectful professional , self employed man own my own Business very outgoing and athletic in great shape,confident,polite,charming many talents,got my life together.Im very selective my time is valuable looking for a beautiful inside and out lady that’s kind,considerate,respectful easy going that takes good care of herself and shares the same . But if your into getting drunk, smoking,you’re not honest, don’t have a income,can’t hold a intelligent conversation, if you emotional issues or take psychological drugs no need contacting me and you actually want to meet a quality gentleman it’s not rocket science.
What I’m doing with my life
Living a good clean life.
I’m really good at
Fixing things,conversations,about anything hard to do and training dogs, lol
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Taking care of mind body spirit,helping people, living on the beach( someday soon)
On a typical Friday night I am
At a high school ball game or out enjoying live music
I admit, his profile pissed me off just a bit, so I wrote to him:
  • While I can appreciate your insistence that someone be respectful, your profile is anything but. The grammar police have all passed out. You’re of exceptional quality? Are you a side of beef? Come on now. YOU ARE ON A DATING SITE. You have flaws just as much as everyone else. Demanding that everyone else not… is just 1 sided and narcissistic. Good luck with your search.
  • Lol, I appreciate your banter. The fact is the profile don’t read and non appealing females message me so I have to be firm on that. Good luck to you

Winner of this week’s WTF moment

This is his profile.

.I’m 37 From Southeastern KY …I been in this lifestyle for a while now. Anyone who likes my pics and would like to chat please message me , I’m looking for anything from a play date , hook up , to being a live in slave , please message me ….Looking for someone to Help me learn how to serve Satan ….

This is the message he sent me:

please talk to me please !!!!! I am 36. I am from Southeastern KY. I am Looking to be a live in slave. I have been looking for this for a long time. I know I have a odd case but I wish you would think about this. Yes I am Married , I got married when I was 18 and I hate my wife and life . I have kids …16 and 15 my wife is a RN and she will take great care of them . I AM LOOKING TO DROP OFF THE EARTH …BECOME A FULL TIME LIVE IN SLAVE AND NO ONE I KNOW EVER FIND ME AGAIN …I have to have it this way ..I would give you my mind heart body and soul and make the best slave you ever had ..little to know limits ..please please think about it …Thank You with much Respect …Slave Bailey


Week 8 – 2016, pt 2

Of course, the last week has also been full of scammer crap that I’ve become more creative in dealing with.   Examples:

nash4 nash3 nash2 nash1

sigh. You’d think, at 217 years old, I wouldn’t be surprised yet, but nope.

Then there’s this guy who wants to be my slave:


and another one…………


1 month later………..

Wow, what a difference a month makes. Perhaps it’s a combination of the medications finally working properly, and time, but I feel better. I have even started dating! It sounds ridiculous even to me, but hey – as I said before, I don’t do alone. It’s been an interesting experience, and one I’ll probably go into further in another post.

For now, though, I’m posting some pics of me from recently.

This isn’t something I do…. I don’t take selfies. I sure as hell don’t post them online.  But I’m feeling better about myself.  So here I am.

me 2015




I took this photo many years ago when we were still living in northern New Hampshire. I happened to notice the sunlight coming into our tiny bathroom window, and ran to get my camera. Balancing one foot on each side of the tub’s edge, I snapped this photo because the scene absolutely spoke to me.


Later, when I got it printed, it moved me even more. That tree was me.

That’s me – that tree, standing there alone – exposed to the elements, with nothing (or no one) for shelter.

“But she wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when
your parents die, you feel like instead of going
in to every fight with backup,
you are going into every fight alone.”
Mitch Albom, For One More Day

Words can’t always heal

words1My heart was recently – absolutely – shattered by someone I never expected to do it. One friend flat-out said “I don’t know how to help you” – another just didn’t answer the phone or texts.

Telling someone who has lost someone – that it’s for the best, or that you are better off, or – in the case of death – that they’re in a better place – causes MORE rage. It does NOT help the person who is mourning that loss.  It makes them feel even more alone, isolated.

While this began as a response to a facebook post by someone who was discussing how to help someone who’s lost someone, I realized that it’s a subject too close to my own heart to merely comment on something that will soon be gone.  I don’t KNOW how to comfort someone whose heart has been shattered other than reciting the same cliche’ responses other people have.  NOTHING and NO ONE can make the hurt go away.

And it sucks.


The sheer amount of energy it takes to be HATED by someone is staggering. It consumes you. It’s what you think about when you wake up. It’s what is in the back of your mind when you’re washing dishes or cooking dinner. It’s forefront in your mind when you’re reading another diatribe. It pervades your sleep, teasing your mind into complying with its games even when you’re trying your hardest to forget and just … JUST rest.


The sense of betrayal is always there as well. Everything you do – EVERY SINGLE THING – is something you did before, when you were loved – or thought you were. When you trusted, and were trusted – or thought you were. When you were partnered with this person who you thought had your back. Would defend you through thick and thin. Would LOVE. YOU. Only you. ALL of you. Or so you thought.


People tell you “It’ll get better. This is for the best.” But it doesn’t feel like it ever will get better. It’s almost like telling someone with cancer – a disgusting disease that is eating at your very soul – “it’ll get better”. It will never be the same kind of “better”. Of course, some day, the day might come when every thought, every feeling, isn’t doused in a healthy dose of regret and hurt. That day may come when the first thing I think about when I wake up isn’t “ok, what’s he gonna pull today?”. But I have a feeling that that day is a long way off.



I wrote before about time flying by.  I remember when this tiny bundle was finally brought to me, after what felt like FOREVER.  He was perfect. He was healthy, despite the fears to the contrary that sent us into the o.r.  Now, technically he’s a man. He’s old enough to go fight for our country, gamble, and whatever else is new for an 18 year old.  He graduates high school in 13 days and will go to college in the fall.  But I still see him as that baby, being cradled in my grandmother’s arms (from this post) and it’s so hard to accept that he doesn’t need mama anymore.




One of the neat things about this house is that all of the windowsills are fashioned out of what appears to be marble.  They are thick slabs of marble that you know will support whatever you put on them.

On the sill in the kitchen, the first thing I did was place a photo of my mom hugging her mom, who is cradling my first-born.  My grandmother (Nana) hopefully did not realize that mom was also supporting the baby, because we weren’t sure that Nana really had him – she’d been showing signs of dementia – so mom has one hand on nana’s shoulder, and the other one is supporting Nana’s other arm, which is supporting the baby.  It’s all done out of love, of course.  Each morning, I sit at my table and drink my coffee with mom and Nana as they sit perched on the marble windowsill.