It felt like it happened so fast. But when you’ve spent 16 years in one relationship, and 20 in another, 4-1/2 years is fast. According to the paperwork he has supplied to the divorce attorney, we have been separated since December 27, 2019, when I told him I did not want to move to Washington. Well, that much is true, I suppose – though I hadn’t seen him since December 1, 2019 anyway. But when I sent him that text that night, I did not say I wanted a divorce. I merely stated that I did not think the move to Washington would be a good one for me and my kids. His alcoholism had gotten in the way of a lot of things, as well – which is what spurred the text in the first place. I’d become the blame of all things wrong in the world. “If you were here with me, this wouldn’t have happened.” “If you were here with me, I could ____________.” None of it was his fault, all of it was because I wouldn’t move out there.

As if it was a personal choice – and not the decision of the family court, that I could not move out there with my children. His problem was that I wasn’t retaining another lawyer, this time with money I’d gotten from an insurance settlement, to fight the court decision. Against the same judge. It would be a great way to blow $15,000, but we had no guarantee of the outcome. In the intervening year+, he’d really showed signs that his interactions with my children would NOT get better if we moved out there. My kids are only in my care for a short time, and I would not make that time more difficult for them by forcing them to interact with someone who could not accept them for who they are. Decision made.

What I’d hoped, in the back of my mind, was some way to make our marriage work, without dragging my kids half way across the country. He decided it wasn’t possible.


Then the threats began. I needed to round up all of his business paperwork and get it to him ASAP. I needed to get my name off anything related to the business ASAP. I needed to __________. ASAP. If I didn’t comply, he’d get a lawyer & sue me. He’d take away everything the business had bought me. (A laptop & my car.) If I fought the divorce, he’d sue me. “It’s happening whether you like it or not!” I’d reply “I don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t want me, Rick.” It was true. It IS true. He hadn’t wanted me for a while. Not sexually, anyway. We’d see each a few times a year. When we were together, he wouldn’t or couldn’t. It had become another source of contention for us. That and the person he hired years ago to manage the bar. She’d taken over every part of the bar, claimed it as hers, for the most part. He allowed her to do so, knowing he was stealing and profiting from it. He blamed me for that as well.


I’ve returned all his paperwork. When he came here a few weeks ago, I ok’d the paperwork that he’d already sent to the lawyer. We said good bye. He went back to his coast. I stayed in my part of the country where I will remain until I am legally able to leave with my children or they’re legally able to decide where they want to be. No tears shed. They were all dried up months ago.


1683 days from the day we met in person until the day we said good bye.

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